what's on my mind this week.

I am having some self-esteem issues. I hate feeling like I have to look a certain way. Not really when it comes to clothing or style, but with my body. I feel so gross and fat lately. I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't, but I do. I could make wiser eating decisions and I know I am at a healthy weight but I just don't feel good about it.

I know a lot of it is coming from the fact that next weekend I will be going to Vegas with some girlfriends. They are some really great close friends from the salon I just left. We had booked a trip to go to the annual Hair and Beauty Show a few months back, and I am still going even though I don't work there anymore (I paid already).

Anyway, all the girls are so beautiful and fit. I feel like I am going to be the ugly duckling in the group. They have been working on their figures for this trip for MONTHS now, and of course I have not (I am not single and going there to impress anyone). So I am just dreading going there and having to get in my swimsuit. I love my friends so dearly I just hate being self-conscious.

And why is it the worse I feel about my body the worse I eat?? I should be cracking down these few days before I go, but NO I can't stop eating junk. It's out of control. I must be an emotional eater. LOVELY.