daily struggles

Lately I have been struggling with being present. I am not sure if it comes from the ever fleeing time that passes when you have a new baby or what, but its been hard. The days pass so quickly. The time is always getting away from me. I worry I am not savoring every moment, every giggle, every smile from my boy. I try to keep up the house and some days my worry about when I will take a shower consumes me more than just sitting and being with my boy.

I hate the fight that goes on in my head, and the guilt that comes with it. Thoughts like:

Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much?

I should be busier. I should be doing less.

We need to get out more. We need to follow a schedule.

Does Chris value me at home? Do I need a job to feel like I contribute?

I should try to market my photo business. But I don't feel like I'm good enough.

I should play with Ev more. Is he ok entertaining himself? Does he need me?

Did I savor every moment today? Or did I wish it away?

Being a mom is seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has also shaken my world and changed it forever, mostly for the better but some things take getting used to. You question yourself, your abilities, and your choices but also are willing to fight til the death over those exact things. I also have never experienced time flying by so fast. In a few months my baby will be one, and we will be celebrating 5 years of marriage. I just wish for a moment, time would slow, or if it can't, I wish I could be ok with it flying by. I wish I could just revel in each moment with Everett and welcome the next. My biggest wish is that when he is older, and thinks of his mom, that he will know I loved each and every moment with him.

our weekend

We had a great weekend over here! It was quiet and full of my favorite things: shopping and sleep!

I love having Chris home to see how Ev and I do things around here while he's working. He gets to help with diapers (ha), early morning wake-ups (well I don't make him get up that early, but he did let me sleep while they played), bath time and walks with the dogs.

Lately on walks Ev has been reaching out and grabbing Samsons leash, I think its adorable!



Saturday we went with Chris to the batting cages



Sunday Everett took his morning nap around 9 (which he's been doing lately) and slept til around 11. He's hasn't been napping for longer than an hour so I was surprised. When he woke up, I noticed his second tooth finally broke through! Seriously its been right there, visible under the gums since Christmas! His first tooth took this long too. I sure hope the rest go faster because teething is no joke people.

Chris is on a softball league on Sunday nights and Ev and I tagged along last night, but first we went to lunch and did some shopping at the Scottsdale mall, which is a rare treat. We also stopped for Sprinkles cupcakes because Chris had never been. We got the new Smores cupcake and it was delicious!



At the softball game...



We got home and put the babe to bed and then a miracle happened, he slept 10 hours in a row. 10! This hasn't happened since probably October....once the teething and ear infections started he hasn't been sleeping longer than 5 hours at a time. I of course didn't sleep, I kept checking on him and had to get up and pump since he didn't need a feeding. I hope this good sleep lasts a little while, until the next tooth starts!

January Photo a Day

I have been doing another form of "photo a day" this time on the Instagram app for the iPhone.
I thought I would share my photos here for those of you who haven't seen them!

1. Me! This is me on Christmas Day.

2. Breakfast- Everett was eating egg yolks for the first time this day.

3. Something you adore- my sweet boys chubby hands.

4. Letterbox- our mailbox? I didn't understand this one. Ha.

5. Something you wore- leggings, longs shirts and boot socks are my life these days.

6. Makes you smile- when I hear the garage door open followed by this man walking in the door!

7. Favorite- my boys skinny jeans and cute shoes!

8. Your sky- This was in Queen Creek as I was driving home from a photo shoot.

9. Your routine- inspired my "day in a life" post. My morning is almost always the same so I posted pictures of that!

10. Childhood- my baby blanket. I still sleep with it (cringe I know) and I am so sad that is it getting very thin and worn. I don't think it'll last any more washes. I should put it away but.i.cant.

11. Where you sleep- this is our room. After 5 years I still love our bedding and bedroom set! Our room needs some more decor though.

12. Close up- I was not too creative on this one. I had my sister take a picture of my eyeliner.

13. In your bag- I only carry a diaper bag and a wallet these days. Basically consists of baby items and chapstick!

14. Something you're reading- I am not reading anything still. (this is a screen shot of my empty iBooks app) I read to Everett at night, and I use my Bible app but I am not reading a novel right now. I'd like to read the Hunger Games series!

15. Happiness- holding a sleeping baby. Melts me with joy.

16. Morning- we are morning people around here! Up around 6/6:30. No complaints about it, and Ev is so happy in morning.

I will share the rest of the months challenge photos when this month is over!

Photoa Day- Week 2

So I kinda fell off the bandwagon here- my husband was out of town for 3 days and I tried to stay busy and my camera didn't get picked up. Here are the ones I took last week- I only took 6 but not all on different days. Forgive me :)

1/10/12

Playing with the dogs- or wanting to at least! He LOVES them!

Playing at my feet

1/11/12

Ev playing around during his 8 month photoshoot.

1/12/11

With as obsessed as he is with the mop/vacuum/swifffer, I should teach him how to use them!

1/13/11

Some Sea Salt Brown Butter Chocolate Chips cookies I made and we enjoyed for a few days. So good!

1/14/11

By no means a good picture, but he is adorable!

8 months!

Everett you are 8 months old! How did this happen so fast?!!?

You truly changed this month. You are so mobile and fast. You are still army crawling, but will get up on all 4's and do a few "steps" that way until you fall on your belly. You also learned how to sit up on your own, and you love to crawl all over the place then sit and look around. You especially love to sit at the sliding glass door and watch the dogs outside. You also love to sit at the full length mirror in my bathroom and look at yourself and give your self kisses (oh boy).

We lowered your crib all the way down because you are kinda starting to pull yourself up places. You hadn't done that in your crib yet but I didn't want to risk it.

When you are all over the house you find every crumb, hair, teeny piece of paper, basically anything that is hard to find or see you do indeed find it and put it in your mouth. Everything goes in your mouth. It is kinda scary to me so I have started vacuuming and mopping every other day.

The only time you don't put something in your mouth is when you are in your high chair. You seem to be a picky eater, without having tried much food. You are not big on begin spoon fed (never were) but I still try at every meal to give you baby food. I also cut up food and set it out for you, but your favorites are puffs, cheerios and toast. Little carb boy. Some new foods you've tried: blueberries, yogurt, toast, steamed baby carrots, a biscuit (you took it off the table while sitting with your Nomi), egg yolks, whole grain pasta, steamed peas, crackers, and a couple bits of a turkey puree.

In the morning you have a pureed fruit with oatmeal (about 4 bites), cut up banana and a small piece of toast to chew on. You nurse about 5-6 times a day, and also have a snack, lately just a few cheerios and some blueberries. For dinner you have a couple bites of a pureed vegetable, then a couple pieces of pasta or rice, then cut up veggies. This past month you haven't been interested in eating solids. You cut your first tooth (and your second is on the way), and seemed to have an aversion to anything cold in your mouth. Teething made you fussy, but then again between that and another double ear infection its hard to tell whats bothering you. You seem to have a very high pain tolerance, especially when you fall and bonk something.

You had your first Christmas this month! It was a great day. You loved the paper, and especially loved the tree. We traveled to Sacramento this month, your second plane ride. You did so great there and back. You also met your great Grandpa Bill and Grandma Wy, and your great Grandma Helen and Grandpa Jim (they came here to AZ).

You don't exactly sleep through the night yet. I guess technically according to the Drs (6-7hours straight) you do. You sleep from about 6pm-6:30am with one waking. When you are sick or teething you wake a lot more than once.

You talks so much! Your favorite thing to say is "da da da da da". I know you don't know what it means yet, but its still so cute. You also say "ma ma ma" and "ha ha" and "ba ba". You wave bye-bye and sometimes give hi-fives.

I don't want to forget:

• how when I get you from a nap and you are still sleepy, you lay your head down and tuck your hands into your belly
• how when I lay you in your crib you quickly turn over onto your belly, again with hands tucked under your belly
• how much you love me! (is that strange to say?) Seriously you are a mamas boy right now, you look for me when I'm out of your sight and you always want me to hold you. I love that you want me.
• How you love bath time! You love putting your hand under the running facet.
• how you often grab the sides of my head and kiss me on the mouth. Melts my heart.
• the deep belly laugh you get when I rub my head on your belly

You are overall such a happy baby. Always smiling, and so social. If anyone even looks at you you smile. Everyone always comments on how cute you are, and I so agree. We really hit the jackpot on you Everett. You are a perfectly happy, content, adorable and beautiful boy. You bring joy to everyone, and your dad and I are so wild about you!

A day in the life.

Our routine is by no means exciting. Last week I didn't even leave the house for 4 days straight last week (that is not healthy and I do NOT recommend it!).

Yesterday I tried to document the days events. Here they are:

I wake up hearing the baby on the monitor. Chris is playing around on his phone next to me delaying getting up and ready for work. I go get the baby and see his sweet face. We go out to the living room, I feed him and watch the Today Show. I've been watching it lately- since there is nothing on TV after 10 am I do watch the early morning news.

I do chores- dishes and laundry. I get Ev some breakfast. This day was oatmeal and bananas. I also give him finger food like a piece of toast to eat while I finish some more chores. I make myself breakfast and sit down with Everett while he finishes what he's eating, or he will just sit and watch the dogs play outside.

Medicine time for Ev (more antibiotics, yes another ear infections). We play, then its nap time. I get a shower!

While the baby naps, I work on emails and editing photos. I also eat lunch (leftover pizza this day). He wakes up and is so cuddly and adorable when sleepy.

We play. A lot. He explores the house and I keep a close eye on him. We also went on a walk with the dogs. This time of day we usually run errands (between nap 1 &2). Its time for his second nap, and he fights it. He has a bad diaper rash and I can tell his ears still bug him (even though its the last day of antibiotics), he is also cutting tooth #2. After rocking him and nursing him and trying to make him sleep, I give up and we cuddle on the couch instead.

I feed Everett dinner. We start bedtime routine very early since he missed a nap. Bathtime, then naked time (to help his rash) and then jammies and nurse and to bed. He was in bed and asleep by 5:30pm.

I stopped taking pictures of our day at this point. Chris has been working late and was gone very late. I took this time to fold laundry, work on editing photos, made myself dinner, cut coupons for grocery shopping the next day, then relaxed on the couch watching the full 2 hours of the Bachelor.

My days can be mundane, and routine, but they fly by. Everett will be 8 months old tomorrow and I have no idea where the time went. I love each and every boring hour of my life! I wouldn't have it any other way.

Photo A Day- Week 1

Oh my goodness I did it! I made it through my first week. It was a struggle. It made me realize how dependent on my silly phone I am. I want to capture Everett in his element, I want him to have photos to share with his future family, and this will discipline me to do it, I hope.

01/02- waking up with sleepy eyes

01/03- bath time! he is loving it lately!

01/04- playtime!

01/05- not of Ev- but this gets mama through the day! Homemade caramel macchiato!

01/06- playing in the kitchen

1/08- he can sit himself up, and just this past week he's been doing it A TON!

01/08- baby hand

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2012 Photo a Day

I am going to try to take a photo every day in the year 2012 (this photo links you to my flickr where I will post them). I am also on instagram doing the January Photo a day, and I will share those as well.

I am so lazy about breaking out my "big camera" now that I have an iPhone that works just as well as a point and shoot camera. Its easy and convenient but I'd like a challenge! I won't post the photos I take every day, I will do a weekly recap.

Yesterdays photo was taken with my phone. This photo totally describes Everett lately. We were at church and I had him in service with me and he was a squirmy squealing mess. It was nap time, but he just wanted down to play. I took him in a room and he went wild playing. Total bummer for me missing service. He also no longer sleeps just anywhere. He only falls asleep in his crib or in his carseat while driving. He is independent and getting so big.