Heartache & Frustration

As many of you know, all I really want in life is to be a mother. Well who am I kidding...this is public knowledge since I wear my heart on my sleeve. Its not like I go around telling people this, but on the rare occasion that someone asks when my husband and I want to have kids, I tell them I am ready anytime. I say 'rare occasion' because for the most part it is. Some of our family members just asked us this question for the first time a few months ago. That was hurtful to me because it made me assume they never wanted us to have kids or that they were content with just being surrounded with the babies other people provided. Do you know how badly it hurts to want something so deeply and have no one to share it with? Or to believe no one will be excited for you when it happens?

Going back to me being ready anytime, I am. I have been around babies my entire life and never once did I think to myself "I never want this". It only grew my desire. That desire that was planted there by God. I have always thought every woman was like me. Always anticipating the day your family is created, no matter what the cost. As of lately I have discovered this is not true. It is so hard for me to fathom an unwanted pregnancy or a husband who wants babies more than his wife.

Most of all, I cannot believe all the criticism I have gotten from simply saying "I am ready anytime". I have been really hurt the past couple months by this. You would think I would shut up, but I am not going to lie or be one of those girls who say its a private matter (annoying). If you know us, you would know I am almost 23. Chris would be 24 if we got pregnant tomorrow and had a baby, and we would have been married for 3 years. Chris has a great job and is much farther in his career than many men/fathers I know. This is the criticism I get:

• You are too young. (matter-of-fact statement from people who are my age w/kids)
  
• Your marriage is still too new. (again, from people my age who got married at 18 and are prego with their 2nd)
  
• It changes everything. (isn't that the point??)
• You wont be able to travel like you do now. ( This doesn't bother me. It does Chris, but he knows after a couple years we can travel with our kids)
• Having a baby is one of the most selfish things you can do. (yep I really did get that. Then I cried)
• Babies are so expensive. You better save $30,000 before having them. (well I do not know how much they cost but I am certainly not above being a working mom)
• Who would want a baby in this recession?? (Liberal nonsense..)

Yes these are all true. I have gotten all of them many times, especially the first one. it baffles me how people who had a baby at a younger age than I am now after being married only around a year say this to me. And its only after asking my age that they say this, not like I am acting young. Its amazing how entitled people are with their opinion on this. I have been very hurt and cried many times after people give me their opinion that was not asked for. I will never critize a young wife about this. They just may have that same heart wrenching calling to be a mother as I do.

Good news is my husband and I will start taking action on starting a family soon...but not too soon. Thanks to those who are happy for us! I couldn't stand all this criticism if you weren't in my life :)